Best Before: [Insert Date Here]

written August 12, 2012

If saying "I am not used to having this amount of emotion" is considered whining, well let me whine to you. I am not used to having THIS AMOUNT of emotion. At least not any more.

Oblivion. This is the black hole of black holes. The lost and never found of everything that used to mean something in your life. This is where you would usually find characters and experiences either too euphoric or too unpleasant, you would rather forget. The older I get, the easier things get classified as something to be thrown into oblivion, hoping this black hole is somewhat an unknown recycling bin of the universe which will later on churn out or resurface strange but familiar people or situations (as in a deja vu) in a form that will be more acceptable to your future self and your seemingly-transformed habitus.

You tell yourself, I have been through this many times. I have learned A LOT. But did you ever really? 

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Twelve days ago, I chanced upon an unexpected visitor. For the purpose of privacy, as well as my own sanity, we shall call him "Perishable Goods". Previously a stranger, it was surreal - almost bizarre - seeing Perishable Goods under non fluorescent lighting. 

Less than a year ago, I had seen him and his astounding presence. (I was hoping to be loquacious to give his looks better justice, but I can't seem to find the words...) He liked honey in his coffee, and his smile never left his face the whole time that he was talking. It wasn't any of his features in particular, but more of the overall look and vibe that he sent across. I, on the other hand, had short hair, felt bloated, and looked awkward with my stupid purple scarf turned into a belt. Nevertheless, I made sure I sent a smile back, even when I had my then boss sitting next to me. I wasn't flirting after all; like him, I was just being nice and mirroring what I see in front of me. In the months following that, there was an attempt to keep the connection for intentions that were purely professional and opportunistic... that time.

Having a predilection towards ladies' men has probably already dictated the fate of my romantic life. 

So twelve days ago, we meet again. Dinner, drinks and a lot of conversation was the theme of the night. If there was any ulterior motive, I did not smell it. This could be due to a recently rediscovered naivete, a much "hopeful" filter, or Singapore and its offerings have gotten me so jaded that my judgement became as sharp as a bread knife. My scorpio sting was not as active or as constantly maneuvering itself for the kill; this was highly unusual. Is Perishable Goods a different guy, or have I suddenly turned too soft for this game?

Deadlines. This comes as a new setting to my upgraded self, so I like to call it. I have indicated the "Best-before date" on Perishable Goods and this is today. (I'm impatient. Go ahead and judge me.) I would like to emphasize that this date is immovable and well dictated by the professional environment wherein we both exist presently. As we speak, the deadline is less than an hour away before the bridge that connects me to him will self destruct, Mission Impossible style. This deadline is almost unreal, but if Ethan Hunt can do it, why can't he? Haha

Although all the arrows [I used to see] pointed the other way, why is it that my hopefulness has gone the other way? Am I over-analyzing things, or am I just being a realist? The content of the conversation, along with all the information I learned about Perishable Goods have mutated from ending with a period, to ending with a question mark. Is this like a synaptic lag, a side effect of rose-colored glasses mixed with bourbon? It's difficult taking pride and patience into consideration, since both are almost always asymptotic things. Maybe I should have just left the idea of him next to the place in my head where fairies and unicorns exist. 

For now, the deadline is the only barrier that needs to be crossed. Maybe I am panicking because, unlike almost everything else, this is beyond my control. Alpha meets alpha. Perishable Goods is a tall guy. This barrier is not that difficult to hop over.

Please push through. Oblivion never gets full, and I don't want to hold this space up for too long. Perishable Goods, do not delay...