An Invisible War

Written June 18, 2012

It has been a struggle for the last half year to swim out of this seemingly powerful quicksand of negative thoughts. Albeit I was on a positive streak for a while, it appears now that the universe is putting me on a tolerance diet of things not occurring in my favor which has left such a bitter taste in my mouth. It's been tough all around since Dad passed. I've jumped through hurdles to get to a comfortable seating, a territory I've claimed at least for now. I shouldn't be complaining, but as other aspects of my life brighten, the greater the contrast it gives to other facets that I evidently failed to work on ever since I left home. The apparent lack of clarity and loss in direction in this space leaves me to question whether the life I see in others is the same one I should expect. 

Yes. It is common wisdom that comparing one's life to those of others is a sure source of misery. And when I come to think of it, when I see the most miserable person still loved and kept by the other, I cannot help but question what there is waiting for me. Is patience actually helping or limiting my chances at happiness?

Must Love Dogs

It has been a very strange start of the day today. It all started with a really pleasant dream that cast very random characters, most of whom I actually know in real life. The theme was "new relationship", and it was quite hilarious that I am a cynic in real life, whereas in contrast, my dream-self was loving the cheesiness of it all. It must have been all the Sims games I have been playing. As expected, I encountered the tug-of-war with dream vs. reality: I was constantly being woken up, and then I turn in bed and try to go back to sleeping because I felt like

Best Before: [Insert Date Here]

written August 12, 2012

If saying "I am not used to having this amount of emotion" is considered whining, well let me whine to you. I am not used to having THIS AMOUNT of emotion. At least not any more.

Oblivion. This is the black hole of black holes. The lost and never found of everything that used to mean something in your life. This is where you would usually find characters and experiences either too euphoric or too unpleasant, you would rather forget. The older I get, the easier things get classified as something to be thrown into oblivion, hoping this black hole is somewhat an unknown recycling bin of the universe which will later on churn out or resurface strange but familiar people or situations (as in a deja vu) in a form that will be more acceptable to your future self and your seemingly-transformed habitus.

You tell yourself, I have been through this many times. I have learned A LOT. But did you ever really?